After reading reviews for Tashan, five dollar Tuesdays at the semi-local Indian movie theater (who I will not give a shout out to until they start supplying toilet seat covers and hand towels in the bathrooms!) was my night to go catch this stylish flick. I told myself that I would not go in with any expectations and maybe I would disagree with the masses on how bad this movie was said to be. I . . . was wrong.

With characters' names like "Jimmy Cliff"(Saif Ali Khan),"Vikram Tiger," and the critic's favorite "Bachan Pandey"(Akshay Kumar), I quickly realized that this movie isn't the sleek, sexy and thrilling film that the promo made it out to be. You know the one, where various things are blowing up in the background and walking in a fashionable slow motion towards the camera are Anil Kapoor, Akshay Kumar, Saif Ali Khan and what's left of Kareena Kapoor (who, in one song sequence, looks at best like a poor man's Paris Hilton -- oh yes readers, I went there).

The story is a about a young girl named "Pooja"(Kareena Kapoor) and her revenge against her father's murderer, and what better way to do that then to work for the man for several years all the while planning a very intricate scheme to take off with his $25 million dollars, spreading it in seven random locations around India, and being chased by two men, who somehow both end up being her love interests in the film (insert your own sarcasm here)? Add in one English/wardrobe challenged Kanpuri villain (Anil Kapoor), some flavorless music by Vishal-Shekhar, and a horrible script by debutant director Vijay Krishna Acharya, and you have the train wreck that took three hours to witness in Tashan.

Highlights of the film were, the Sin City-inspired opening/closing credits, the preview of Ram Gopal Verma's Sarkar Raj during intermission, and Saif Ali Khan's real life son Ibrahim in the film's beginning delivering the dialogue, "Bullshit, double bullshit with a cherry on top" (which now makes me wonder if in some strange way it was foreshadowing what the rest of the film was going to be like, but would that make Kareena Kapoor the cherry on top?).

Lows of the film were a watery storyline, 1980's style action sequences, horrible dialogue, Saif Ali Khan's mullet/mustache combo and pretty much everything else in the film.

Overall, The Tashan is, the big waste of time; rent it if you must.

Or better yet, rent Main Khiladi Tu Anari instead . . . ah those were the days.

To see or not to see folks . . . I'll let you know at the next premiere.

Final Rating: * ½